


The Ink on Our Skin

by SentientMango



Series: Soulmate September 2020 [9]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Food, Multi, Past Abuse Mentioned, Platonic DLAMP - Freeform, Self-Worth Issues, Soulmates, Swearing, dlamp - Freeform, past bullying mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26461402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SentientMango/pseuds/SentientMango
Summary: Logan has never written to his soulmates, and they didn’t know he existed, and Logan had made no plans to ever let that happen.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Deceit | Janus & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides)
Series: Soulmate September 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905670
Comments: 14
Kudos: 134





	The Ink on Our Skin

**Author's Note:**

> Day Nine of Soulmate September! This is late but oh well! 
> 
> Prompt: When you write something on your own skin it appears on your soulmate’s skin as well

Logan woke up like every morning to the tickling crawling of writing appearing on xir arm, just an ordinary Thursday. Xe knew it must be his soulmates saying good morning, telling each other about their dreams, and the such, but honestly Logan didn’t know why they bothered. Xe knew they had found each other in person and most likely had exchanged phone numbers, so now he just wished the writing would stop.

Logan had never written to xir soulmates. Xe had been very careful to conceal the writing, and he would never let them know he was there. 

It wasn’t because xe didn’t want to meet them, he did, more than almost anything. But there was a problem. A fundamental problem with Logan making xir presence known. He shared the same soulmates as xir best friend Virgil, and that was where the ‘almost’ came in. 

Logan wasn’t soulmates with Virgil, he knew that as a fact, he’d seen Virgil write to them and only felt the replies, so Logan knew that they weren’t soulbound. 

That in itself wasn’t a problem, xe wouldn’t have minded being soulmates with Virgil, and xe didn’t mind not being soulmates with Virgil. What bothered him was that these people, Virgil’s soulmates, were the first good thing to happen to him in years, and Logan was just going to intrude.

Logan couldn’t take them away from him. So Logan ignored them.

Xe wore long sleeves, xe didn’t write back, and xe definitely didn't tell Virgil. As far as Virgil knew, he didn’t have any soulmates, or at least any soulmates who wrote to him. 

Virgil didn’t seem to care that Logan didn’t have a soulmate, which was good because Logan wasn’t sure what he would have done if Virgil had hated him because of that. What would xe have said, ‘Wait no Virgil you’ve got it all wrong, I have got soulmates, and they’re your soulmates! I was lying to you!’ No, Logan couldn’t have said that, xe would have just had to live with Virgil hating xir. 

Logan didn’t blame Virgil, it was xir own choice not to talk to them, and Virgil had been nothing but supportive. But still, Logan couldn’t help but feel a bit empty, especially when xe could feel the writing.

Logan got dressed in the dark, like always. He put on a thin, long sleeved, white NASA shirt, and a pair of black jeans. Logan flicked his lights on, and glanced in the mirror to make sure no other marks were showing before xe went down for breakfast.

Sometimes he woke up with marks on his face or neck, so xe had made it a habit to check if any were visible. One time several years ago, xe woke up with writing all over xir body, and Logan literally couldn't cover it all up. At the time, it wasn’t like xe had any makeup lying around. Fortunately, his mom had been on a business trip, so xe had sent her a picture of the thermometer after he had artificially warmed up slightly, and asked her to call the school. Logan wasn't known for faking sick, he’d never done it before, and he liked school, so his mom didn't ask many questions. Logan spent the rest of the day feeling awful anyway because Virgil kept texting him to check up on him and eventually came over, and when Logan wouldn’t let him in, he just sat on the other side of Logan's door to keep xir company. After that unfortunate day, Logan bought himself some makeup just in case.

This morning however there was nothing on his neck or face, and Logan was very pleased when he didn't see anything on his hands. It was fall, so wearing gloves wasn't as cumbersome as it was in the summer, and some days Logan did like it. It helped with some of the less savory textures xe needed to encounter in everyday life, but sometimes they were just another item of clothing that was making him warmer. 

Logan headed over to the kitchen to eat something, and when xe got there xe noticed a bright sticky-note on the counter.

_ 'Logan, I had to head to work a bit earlier today, have a great day at school, and if you need anything call. I love you, -Mom' _

Logan hummed as he grabbed an apple. Xe washed it off before making xir way back to xir room. He ate in there as he did his homework, maybe he should have done it yesterday but xe always said that and yet xe never did, and still xe always turned in xir work on time. 

About twenty minutes later Logan got up and brushed his teeth, he still had some work to do, but he would finish it up on the bus. Logan grabbed his backpack and hooked it over his shoulders, he left the apartment and locked the door before making his way down to the bus stop. 

Among the few people at the stop, Logan spotted Virgil. Virgil was his best friend, they had known each other for longer than xe could remember, and Logan knew Virgil better than Logan knew himself at times. Virgil was the tallest person at the stop and even though he was slouching to try and make himself look smaller he was still easy to pick out in a crowd. Virgil had light brown, freckled skin and had wavy black hair which usually fell over one of his eyes. He was standing at the back of the group with earbuds in and was looking at his phone, but he glanced up and smiled when Logan approached. His hair was covering his left eye which was as Virgil put it, ‘the reason people stare’, because Virgil’s right eye was dark brown but his left eye was a bright green. 

“Hey,” Virgil said as he took out one of his earbuds, “Rough morning?”

Logan rubbed his eyes slightly, “Not particularly, do I look that bad?”

Virgil rolled his eyes, and aimed his phone at Logan quickly before showing Logan the picture, “Dude your eye bags are rivaling mine, you look simultaneously like you just woke up from a two month coma and haven’t slept in two months.”

Logan had to admit xe did look a bit disorderly although Virgil’s description seemed a bit over the top, Logan began to comb his fingers through his hair to get rid of some of the disorder, “Impressive I can be both at once.”

“Yeah sure, you did remember to sleep last night right?”

“I woke up in bed this morning, so yes.”

The bus began to pull into the stop and the group began to form a small cue. Virgil shook his head fondly, “Alright, I would say take a breather on the bus but-”

“I have two classes of homework to get through.”

Virgil looked at Logan in disbelief, “How are you not stressed out of your mind and failing all your classes?”

Logan shrugged and climbed the stairs to the bus, “I wouldn’t say I’m not stressed, but I suppose luck?”

Logan slipped into xir normal seat and Virgil sat down next to xir and put back in his earbud, “Whatever you say L.”

Logan had gotten very good at crunch time management over the years of procrastinating. Meaning in first block xe had finished up xir second block work, and in second block xe had finished xir third block work, so by third block he had no homework due that day to worry about.

Fourth block, his history class, and the last class of the day rolled around. Logan shared this class with Virgil, and that was lucky because the class was boring. Logan was pretty sure he would dislike the class without Virgil. In itself the class was very easy, they almost never got homework, and the teacher who ran it was very nice, but it was boring. The content in the class was very interesting, Logan thought history was fascinating, but something about the way she taught it simply wasn’t effective at keeping Logan’s attention.

When Logan got into history, xe took a seat next to Virgil who just raised an eyebrow at him, “did you somehow manage to get it all done?”

“Of course!” Logan scoffed, “Who do you think I am.”

“Alright class, settle down, settle down.” Ms. Jackson called from behind her desk, and the buzz in the room began to die down. “This is our last class this week, so remember there’s a test on Monday over Unit four.” She began to write in large letters on the board, “But today we are going to be talking about the Tashkent Agreement. By show of hands who has heard of this?”

And with that, class began. It was all very normal to start with, they went through a slideshow and took notes and then were sent off to complete a worksheet with the aid of their notes and the slideshow if they needed it.

During this work time Logan felt the familiar itch and tickle of words appearing on xir skin, unfortunately for him, the crawling feeling was on the back of his hand. Logan glanced down quickly, and sure enough writing had begun to appear. Xe didn’t bother to read what it said or look to see what Virgil was doing, he just stood up and shoved his hand in his pocket as he walked over to Ms. Jackson’s desk. 

“Excuse me, may I go to the bathroom?” Logan asked.

She looked up before glancing over at the clock, “Sure. You might want to take your stuff, school’s over soon, the worksheets due next class.”

Logan nodded, “Thank you,” Xe picked up xir bag and the worksheet before heading to the door. 

“See ya soon.” He heard Virgil mumble from behind him.

Logan got to the bathroom and immediately found an empty stall and locked the door, that had been too close. Logan could feel the writing still coming, it hadn’t stopped, why were they writing now? Logan dug through his bag semi-frantically for his gloves. Xe usually kept a pair in his bag, so why weren't they here?

Logan took a step back and began to count slowly, in an attempt to calm his breathing. Xir panic was making xir frantic, xe needed to calm down. After a few seconds of calm Logan thought back to the last time xe had used the gloves, it had been a while, a few weeks maybe. Where had he put them?

It had been after first block, and for the rest of the day they were on… he did, no didn’t hang out with Virgil, xe went straight home and then...

Logan groaned as xe remembered just throwing them on the floor of xir room. They were probably still there.

Logan looked at his hands, they were covered in writing, Logan had no way of tracking where it started but it didn’t really matter, he didn't want to read it, that would just waste time. There was no way of getting around Virgil knowing something was up without getting the writing off. They were supposed to hang out after school today, and Logan knew if xe left without saying anything Virgil would just be freaked out and demand an answer to why he did that. Without thinking Logan rolled up xir right sleeve and grabbed a black pen.

_ ‘Please wash off the ink on your hands.’ _

There was a flood of responses immediately each in a different color.

_ ‘Will do, whoever you are!’  _ Blue wrote

_ ‘Well this is strange.’  _ Yellow commented.  _ ‘It seems we have another person among us.’  _

_ ‘I don’t recognize the writing.’  _ Red wrote, _ ‘and believe me I’ve memorized all of our handwriting.’ _

_ ‘Who are you?’  _ Red asked

The blue ink disappeared from xir hands, and Logan exhaled slightly.

_ ‘Can you not see it?’  _ Red wrote, Logan assumed Virgil had joined the conversation.

The bell rang signaling the end of school. Logan’s heart rate spiked.

_ ‘It’s okay V, I’ll tell you what they said!’  _ Blue said before writing Logan’s message.

_ ‘Probably.’  _ Red said.  _ ‘It would be weird if the connection was off in only one direction.’ _

_ ‘You could if you’re worried.’  _ Blue wrote.

Logan heard water running, and then Virgil’s voice. “Logan? Something weird is happening.” Virgil sounded panicked, and Logan could hear his breathing which was never a good sign.

Logan tensed, Virgil knew he was here so there was no use hiding, but red and yellow still had writing on his hands. “Oh?” Logan said trying to sound as nonchalant as possible as he wrote on his arm again. 

_ ‘Please.’ _

_ ‘Come on guys just wash it off, we can ask questions later!’  _ Blue wrote.

“I have- well not me but my soulmates have another soulmate, but apparently they’ve never talked to them before and now they're asking them to wash the writing of their hands and-” Virgil paused, “dude what are you doing in there? I’m trying to not have a panic attack out here and you’re just, I don’t know, leaning against the wall? Can you come out here?”

By this point the yellow ink had disappeared, but the red ink was still there. 

Logan glanced at xir forearm which was covered in writing, some of it his, and saw a disheartening sentence by Red.

_ ‘I can’t! I’m in the car and there isn’t exactly a sink around right now. I’m sorry, I can do it in like twenty minutes though.’ _

Logan bit his lip before glancing towards the door, he couldn’t keep himself locked in here for twenty minutes.

_ ‘It’s fine.’  _ Logan wrote.  _ ‘This is my own fault. Thinking I could hide this forever was foolish. I promise to explain later, but I need to go.’ _

Logan took a deep breath and pulled down xir sleeve. He could feel the writing coming faster than ever. “Sorry, I’m coming V.” Logan said.

Logan put his bag on and opened the door. Virgil was standing against the wall and was writing on his arm, Logan washed his hands before approaching Virgil. Virgil glanced up and smiled slightly. “Sorry I was really freaking out, I kind of still am.”

Logan nodded, “Who wouldn’t be.”

Virgil sighed before he capped his pen. “Yeah. Virgil scanned Logan before his eyes landed on Logan’s hands, “What is-?”

“I have to tell you something.”

“Were you writing on yourself?”

Logan nodded, “Please let me explain, but can we go outside? I think we should be sitting.”

“Okay,” Virgil looked hesitant, and Logan saw him look at xir hand again and frown. “Yeah okay.”

When they got outside, Logan led him to a bench. Not many people were around which was good, most people had gone home already or were in clubs. 

“So what’s going on?” Virgil asked, “I thought you didn’t have a soulmate.”

“I do,” Logan said slowly, “I have three.”

“Three! When did that happen, and when were you going to tell me?”

Logan fiddled with his sleeves which he had pulled over his hands, “I wasn’t going to?”

“You what!” Virgil almost yelled.

“Please- just let me finish. I wasn’t intending to tell you because… they’re kind of also maybe your soulmates?” Logan said quickly.

Virgil was silent, he opened his mouth a few times to say something, but no words came out.

“I’m sorry.”

“So you’re who they were writing to?”

“Yeah.”

Virgil frowned and picked at his nails. Throughout all the years Logan had known Virgil, xe had learnt how to understand how Virgil was feeling without him having to tell xir. But in this moment Logan almost wished he was bad at reading Virgil, because he looked betrayed.

“We’ve known each other our whole lives.” Virgil said, finally breaking the silence. “I got my bond seven years ago, and I assume you got yours that year too.” Virgil didn’t look up for confirmation, but Logan nodded anyway. “Seven years, and all the bullies you had to put up with and the shit people gave you.” Virgil looked up and met Logan’s eyes, and as he scanned desperately for an answer, he asked, his voice no more than a whisper, “Why?” 

“It wasn’t-”

“No.” Virgil interrupted, “I don’t want to know what it wasn’t. I want to know why you spent seven fucking years hiding this from me! What in the world possessed you to do that?”

Logan sighed, “They just make you so happy.”

“So do you.”

“And it felt like I was being selfish and taking something away from you.”

“They’re people not a chocolate bar. Logan don’t be stupid.”

Logan laughed wetly and wiped at his eyes, xir hand came away damp. “And I suppose it was foolishly optimistic of me to think I could hide it from you forever.”

Virgil’s phone beeped, but he didn’t looked at it, "Lo-"

Logan shook xir head, "I know what I did was wrong." Logan stood up, "I apologize and if you wish I will cease contact with you and your soulmates."

"Fuck, Logan, no. Shut up and sit down."

Logan did just that.

"Okay so," Virgil continued. "Do I wish you hadn't put yourself through that and do I wish you had told me sooner? Of course, but that didn’t happen and we can’t exactly go back." Virgil took a deep breath, "Now, here's what isn’t going to change. You are still my best fucking friend okay?" Virgil laughed, “This doesn’t change anything like that.”

Logan nodded, and xe wiped furiously at his eyes as he tried and failed to prevent the tears from spilling down his cheeks. 

Virgil reached up and wiped a tear that was rolling down Logan's cheek. "What is going to change is that we’re going to go to the diner instead of my place and we’re going to write and explain what's up to our soulmates over some milkshakes and fries.”

“We only have milkshakes when one of us is upset.”

“Well seems appropriate, you are literally crying! Also you are not going to ignore them anymore, and we're going to arrange a time for you to meet in person."

Logan bit his lip, before xe whispered, “They probably don’t even want to meet me. They have each other and they have you, so why would they want-”

“Logan Wise you better not finish that stupid sentence.” Virgil said sternly. “Worst case scenarios are my thing, and I promise you there is no way they wouldn’t want to meet you.”

Logan laughed slightly, “Okay.”

Virgil smiled as he wiped the last of the tears from Logan’s cheeks. “Damn if you didn’t look bad this morning.”

“Thank you that makes me feel so better.” Logan said sarcastically as he thumbed over xir forearm where the tickling feeling of writing kept coming. “They haven’t stopped writing.”

“No they haven’t.” Virgil’s phone beeped again, and instead of ignoring it, Virgil silenced it before shoving it in his pocket. “Come on, let's head over to the diner before we read what they’ve written.” 

Logan nodded and stood up too, xe hooked xir bag over xir shoulder, “Okay, lets go.”

It took them about ten minutes to get to the diner. They didn’t live in a very big town, and it was a small local business, run by the two owners and three or so other staff members depending on the time of year. When they walked in they were greeted by one of the two people working there that day, one happened to be one of the owners Larry, and the other one was Cass, who had been working there for the past two years. Both of which were quite well acquainted with Virgil and Logan as well as their ordering habits, so when Virgil shooed Logan off to get their usual booth, both of them immediately knew something was up.

“Hey Virgil!” Cass greeted, “What’s up?”

“Uh hey Cass, could we get two vanilla milkshakes and fries?”

“Yeah sure.” They said, “A milkshake kind of day huh?”

“Yeah,” Virgil figited and glanced around the diner.

Cass didn’t press any further, they just nodded and said, “Okay well that’ll be 10.37,” Virgil handed them the money and after Cass handed him the change they smiled and said, “we’ll bring those over in a few.”

“Thanks.” Virgil said as headed over to the booth. When he returned and sat down on the seat across from Logan. “Alright,” Virgil said as he pulled out two pens, his usual purple one and a black pen, and set them on the table. “Let's read through some of these messages to get a grasp of what they’re thinking, and when the food is ready we’ll be ready to write back.”

Logan nodded and began to pull off his long sleeved shirt. 

“Woah, what are you doing?” Virgil asked a bit frantically.

“Relax-”

“You do know who you’re talking to right?”

Logan rolled his eyes, “I’ve got a tank top on.” Xe pulled off the shirt the rest off the way. Writing completely covered both of his arms up to the shoulders in three of the colors of xir soulmates. The red on his hands was gone now, but it was such a surreal thing to look at. From his wrist down there was absolutely no ink which was just a stark contrast to a few inches up where writing was thick and looked like a sleeve tattoo.

“Oh wow.” Virgil said, “they've really been writing. Um okay, hold up.” Virgil began digging around in his bag and pulled out a notebook and two pencils, and then took off his hoodie. The same words were scrawled across his arms. Virgil handed Logan a pencil and tore out a sheet of paper, “I’ll take the harder arm, so you can write down what’s on the right arm, keep track of who said what, but don’t worry too much about getting everything.”

Logan took the pencil and paper and nodded, before dividing the paper into three lists: Red, Yellow, and Blue. Logan did know all Virgil’s soulmates' names, but had never learnt their colors or even knew they did a color system, so keeping it to red, yellow, and blue was the simplest solution. Xe started closest to the wrist. 

_ ‘I hope you’re okay.’  _ Blue.

_ ‘Talk to us as soon as you can okay?’  _ Blue

_ ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t have washed it off sooner.’  _ Red.

_ ‘That’s not your fault Roman!”  _ Blue.

There was an arrow to the previous message, and then _ ‘We’ve written on our hands before. There was no way you could have known this would be a problem for them.’  _ Yellow.

Logan skipped over the rest of that conversation and went a little further up the arm, xe hadn’t reached either of xir messages yet.

_ ‘Have you been here all this time?”  _ Yellow.

_ ‘You’re okay.’  _ Yellow

_ ‘We didn’t make it very easy.’  _ Yellow.

_ ‘I wish it had been sometimes. It’s hard but you can’t let them win.’  _ Yellow

_ ‘Are you’ _

No one had responded to Yellow’s chain of seemingly random statements, so Logan turned his arm over and looked on the inside. Xe had missed a lot of writing already, but most of it looked like rambling or doodling.

_ ‘V are you still around?’  _ Red.

Logan glanced a bit further up the arm. 

_ ‘Hey V! I know you might not be reading this. We have been a bit ya know panicking, and writing a lot, but if you are, remember to breathe okay! Oh and talk to us as soon as you get a chance!’  _ Blue.

_ ‘Virg, answer my texts.’  _ Yellow.

Immediately under that it read,  _ ‘Call me back.’  _

Logan frowned, “Virgil?”

“Okay kids, two milkshakes and a fry?” Larry said as he placed the tray on the table and began to hand them out.

“Thank you.” Logan said, his voice felt much too small.

As soon as he was done he took the tray off and looked between the two and smiled. If he was surprised about the identical writing on their arms, he didn’t show it, “If you two need anything, our door is always open. I know what milkshake days are for you two, and believe you me I’ve had my fair share myself.”

“Thanks.” Virgil said, “we’ll keep that in mind.”

Larry nodded, and glanced between the two one last time before beginning to hum something as he walked back behind the counter. Virgil took a long sip of his milkshake, “Mm- okay did you have something?”

“Um yeah,” Logan said. “Look at the underside of your mid forearm.”

“Right arm?” Virgil asked as he scanned his right arm. “Oh shit, okay.”

Logan drank some of xir milkshake nervously. “Uh-huh.”

Virgil stood up, “I need to go call them. From what I read, I think that everyone is very anxious to hear from you, but if you want, you can wait until I get back okay? I won’t be long.”

“Sure.” Logan said as xe picked up a fry and began to nibble on it.

Virgil went outside, phone in hand, and Logan reached over and began to play with the black pen. Logan debated a relatively blank spot on his arm as he traced some of the words on his arm with the cap. 

About ten minutes later, Logan felt tickling writing appear on that blank spot on his arm, it seemed like he hadn’t been the only one considering writing on it.

_ ‘Hey new guy?’  _ The red pen wrote. _ ‘It’s been a little while, and I’  _ the writing stopped and all of it got crossed out and scribbled over. 

After a couple minutes Logan realized they weren't coming back to write more. Logan sighed and glanced out the window, Virgil was sitting on the curb and didn’t seem like he would be moving anytime soon. 

Logan groaned and ran xir hands over xir face, he groaned. “Ugh, fine.” Logan downed about half of his milkshake before uncapping his marker and looking for a clear patch of skin. 

When he found one he wrote,  _ ‘Hello. I think I have a lot to explain. But I won’t lie, I am afraid.’  _ A little blue heart appeared next to xir unfinished paragraph and Logan smiled slightly.  _ ‘My name is Logan. I have not read any of the messages you have written to each other on purpose over the past seven years, although I have accidentally read a few. But I do not know anything about any of you from the writing.’ _

Two messages began to appear.

_ ‘I’m so sorry if I messed something up.’  _ Red.

_ ‘Are you  _ _ okay  _ _ safe right now? You seemed really worried about the whole writing on the hand thing.’  _ Blue.

Out of the corner of his eye Logan saw Virgil stand up and glance inside at xir.

Logan wrote short answers under both of the sentences.  _ ‘You did not.’ ‘I am perfectly safe. My apologies if I worried you in that way.’ _

Virgil walked back in, he was still on the phone, and as he sat down he placed the phone in the middle of the table and put it on speakerphone. ‘Jay, can I call you back? Maybe with everyone else on the call too, I think we need to talk as a group.”

Jay was presumably yellow, and from what Logan remembered Jay’s name was Janus said, “What about this third party? It’s not exactly like we can get them on the call.” 

Virgil winced, “Uh we kinda can? Just give me a minute okay? And let Pat and Roman know please?”

There was a long sigh, “Virgil this is incredibly sketchy, you know that right? But since you asked nicely.” With that Janus hung up.

Virgil groaned and hit his head on the table, “this is so much more complicated than I thought it would be.”

Logan pushed the fries towards him, “Sorry.”

Virgil shoved a fry into his mouth, “Mm- no it’s fine. I’m glad you got the initial contact over with, but this is gonna be hard to explain.”

“Why?” Logan asked, “I'll just say what I said to you.”

Virgil shrugged as he ate another couple fries, “I guess. But it’ll be different. You’ve known me for life basically, and based on what Jay said you wrote, it sounds like the only real info you know about them is through what I’ve told you.”

Logan nodded “That is correct.” Logan glanced down at xir arm as words in blue appeared. 

_ ‘What is Janus talking about?’ _

Virgil had glanced down too, and was already reaching for his pen. It didn’t appear on Logan’s skin, but he could see it well enough to read it on Virgil’s.

_ ‘Can you all call now?’ _

There were yes’s in red and blue.

_ ‘Then I’ll explain in a minute.’ _

_ ‘But what about Logan?’  _ Logan’s heart squeezed seeing his name written in red’s handwriting, red wrote in almost a calligraphy like cursive, it was quite beautiful to watch appear. 

Virgil glanced up, “do you want to answer that or should I?”

Logan picked up his pen, “Um yeah, I can.” The pen was still an alien feeling to his skin, it felt so much weirder than how it did when other’s words appeared. 

_ ‘I will be there.’ _

Virgil downed the rest of his milkshake, “Let’s go to the park. More private and better scenery.”

“Scenery?” Logan asked before xe started to finish xir drink. 

“Yeah we’re doing it with video.”

Logan choked on his milkshake, after he stopped coughing he stared at Virgil like he was crazy, “What? Virgil, I look horrible.”

“Nah, you don’t look that bad.”

“You said-”

Virgil grabbed the unfinished box of fries, “That was just an exaggeration, hyperbole or some shit. Come on, let’s go.”

Logan got up slowly, “ugh okay fine.”

“Bye guys!” Cass called, as they approached the door, “come again soon!”

“We will!” Virgil said as he practically pushed Logan out the door. 

It took four minutes for them to get to the park, and when they arrived they sat under a tree, Virgil wrote on his arm. “Okay I’m gonna start the call, hop on when you’re ready.”

Virgil pulled out his laptop from his bag and set it up a few feet in front of them. Virgil glanced over at Logan who was tapping his finger steadily against his thigh, “You ready?”

Logan took a couple of deep breaths before xe shook xir head and said, “Sure.”

Virgil shot Logan an amused look before he pressed the call button. 

The world seemed to stop for a moment. 

Logan held his breath as it rang, and after a few seconds the first person arrived, and then quickly after before any words were exchanged the second and third came on.

Logan felt frozen as he looked at the three strangers, Virgil’s soulmates. It was arranged so there were two people on top and one person in the bottom middle. 

The person top right, who had been the second to arrive, spoke first. “Hi!” They said as they waved enthusiastically, they had dark brown skin and tightly coiled black hair. Their dimples were pronounced as they smiled. “You must be Logan right?” Even through the screen there was a softness in their eyes that hit into Logan’s heart. 

Logan nodded wordlessly, and xe could feel Virgil looking at him.

“That’s cool! I’m Patton.” They said as they adjusted themself, they were sitting on their bed with the most stuffed animals Logan had ever seen, and a few kept slipping behind their back.

“Hi.” Logan managed to say. These were the people that had been leaving notes all over his body for years, these were the people he had been hiding from himself. “What color are you?” Logan asked hesitantly.

“Oh this is just like the beginning isn’t it! Bringing back memories!”

Logan saw the person in the bottom of the screen make a face.

Patton continued, “I’m blue, and you know,” they said thoughtfully, “we should probably do pronouns too. Mine bounce a round a bit, but today they/them are good!”

Logan nodded, “Okay, I use he and xe/xir. I don’t have a preference between them.”

The person in the top left who was sitting cross legged in what looked like a hammock, cleared their throat. They had wavy dyed red hair which flopped over their right eyes and was long on the top and shaved on the sides, and the dark brown roots were growing back in. They had hooded brown eyes and had perfect mascara and eyeliner on, and they had cool toned light brown skin. They paused slightly before saying, “My name is Roman, I'm red.”

“What pronouns do you want me to use?” Logan asked

Roman laughed and scratched the back of their neck, “Oh when I find out I’ll let you know! But he is fine for now.” Roman took a deep breath, “So Logan is also best friend Logan?”

Virgil nodded, “yeah. This Logan is best friend Logan and soulmate Logan.”

“When did you find out?” The person on bottom said, they must be Janus, Logan reasoned. Janus was sitting against a blank white wall and had their arms crossed across their body. Janus had long blond hair tied up in a bun, it almost looked white, and several large scars on one side of their face. They were very pale, and Logan noticed that like Virgil, Janus also had heterochromia. Their eyes were both very light blue, but one of them, the one on the side of the scars, had a section of light brown in it.

“Can we please finish introductions first?” Patton asked. 

“Logan already knows my name, and if he doesn’t he can ask Virgil. I doubt you can be best friends with someone and never hear them talk about the people who write on their skin.” The way Janus said Logan’s name sent a chill up his spine, their voice was staying so eerily calm. 

“Um that’s Janus,” Virgil said. “Yellow and they pronouns.”

“Hi.” Logan said meekly. “I was thinking I could tell you what happened today and then after I could answer your remaining questions?”

Patton nodded encouragingly so Logan continued, “okay. I have not interacted with you since today because I knew you were soulmates with Virgil.” There was a collective frown after that, so Logan quickly clarified, “That in itself is not a problem, however I got my bond after Virgil and back then…” Logan paused and glanced at Virgil who shrugged. 

“Say what you want. I don’t mind.”

Logan nodded, “well you all were one of the only things that could make him smile, and I was afraid you would talk to him less or I would mess it up for him. You all had already gotten a solid rapport built by then anyway, and I would have just been intruding. I wasn’t needed in the group, so why put myself in a situation which would potentially make something worse for someone I care about?” Logan heard Patton suck in sharply.

“So Virgil wouldn’t find out, I hid it from everyone I could. Of course my mother and doctor know, that was unavoidable. But everyone else assumed since they never saw any marks or heard me talking about it that I was soulless. Which is an incredibly cruel name for those without soulmates. But I suppose people are cruel, the amount of-” Logan cut himself off and shook his head, “Nevermind that’s a topic for another day.”

“But speaking of today, what happened today. So I’ve avoided showing writing on my hands in the past by wearing gloves, so when I felt writing begin to appear it was unfortunate timing but fine. I went to the bathroom and tried to find my gloves, but they weren’t in my bag. I had plans with Virgil so I couldn’t just leave and I didn’t want him to know so I wrote to you. In hindsight I don’t know what I would have done if I had succeeded completely. I mean I know I would have disappeared again, and I suppose the most probable option I would have taken would have been to do it immediately. It would have been harder of course since you knew I existed, but eventually you would go back to normal and forget.”

Logan glanced up and his eyes landed on Roman. He was biting the knuckle of his index finger of his left hand which was in a loose fist. His eyebrows were knit tightly together, and he wasn’t looking up at the screen.

“Um but that didn’t happen,” Logan said and he looked down at the grass and began to trace circles in it. “Virgil saw and we had a short conversation about it, but not nearly as in-depth as this one, and that’s pretty much it.”

There was silence for a moment.

Tenseness hovered in the air and it crawled up Logan’s spine, forcing him to look back at the screen.

“Oh god,” Roman said eventually.

“That was not what I expected.” Janus said.

Logan glanced over at Patton and froze. Patton was covering their mouth, and shaking slightly. They mumbled something Logan couldn’t make out before they ran out of frame, there was the muffled sound of a sob before a door slammed shut. 

“I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?” Logan said.

“It wasn’t exactly a fairytale Specs. I understand why Patton’s upset.”

“Especially if you consider that Patton was the one pushing us most to get the stuff off our hands.” Janus said. 

“Oh yeah you’re right,” Roman said. “Damn.”

Logan winced, “Ah maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You think?” Virgil said.

Logan turned to Virgil, “May I borrow your phone?” 

“What why?”

“I’d like to apologize to them, and I- I hope they come back, but I don’t know if they will, and I would prefer this not to be the last interaction I have with them today.”

Virgil paused slightly before he took out his phone. He handed it to Logan open on a contact that said ‘Scooby-blue’

“Have at it.” Virgil said, “but don’t judge the name.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

Ten minutes later and Logan handed Virgil back his phone. “Thank you. I made sure to clarify who it was.”

“So,” Janus said. “What should we do now? I have questions, but they, of course, affect Patton too.”

“I could record it.” Virgil said, “I’d just send it to Patton, but if you guys don’t want to I’m sure Logan doesn’t mind answering questions twice.”

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine with doing that.”

“Well I don’t mind being recorded!” Roman said, “I’m a natural on camera.”

“Go for it V.” Janus said.

“Okay cool.” Virgil sat his phone on the laptop, “I’m recording, go whenever you want.”

Janus nodded, “Alright, so Logan, how exactly did you hide all the writing? I get the gloves, but there have been several occasions when someone has written or drawn on their face, and that seems a little obvious.”

“Fortunately many of those days were weekends, and after the first time I bought makeup. It’s not that hard to get around.”

“Oh what makeup do you use!” Roman asked.

“Roman-”

“Come on, this doesn’t have to be an interrogation!”

“I believe it is called Elf? It was relatively cheap.”

Roman nodded slightly, “Ah fair… okay on with the interrogation!”

“Can I ask a question?” Virgil said.

“By all means.”

“Did you ever resent me?”

“What?” Logan said, alarmed.

“Well without me you would have been able to talk to them all you liked, without any reservations. So did you ever resent me or wish you got the mark first?”

“No, absolutely not!” Logan said. “I could have chosen to talk to them anytime, and subconsciously there was probably a deeply self centered reason I was doing it, so who's to say it would have changed without you?”

“What was it like?” Janus asked, “feeling the writing all the time, but never reading it.”

“Well it was very bad at the beginning.” Logan said slowly as he thought through his words carefully. “I was very temperamental, I experienced a lot of adverse emotions. Many people thought it was because I didn’t have a soulmate to ‘balance me out’ so to speak. But that was before I was more used to it.”

“More?”

“You can never be truly used to that.”

“What about swimming?” Roman asked.

“Oh, that was simple, I can’t swim.” Logan said, “I’ve never even been near water that would go past my waist.”

“Hm okay, well then you two are best friends right?” Roman asked.

“Yes?” Logan said hesitantly as xe looked at Virgil for confirmation.

“Yes we are.” Virgil said firmly, as he shot Logan a look. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well have you never changed in front of each other?”

“I don’t see what that has to do with being best friends.” Virgil mumbled.

“I think our boundaries are slightly different than those of your friends,” Logan said. 

Roman shrugged, “Oh sure, I-”

Suddenly there was a big crash of some sort, Logan couldn’t pin down what caused it or who it came from, but by Janus’s alarmed expression as they looked off camera, Logan assumed it was their side of the call.

“What the hell was that?” Roman asked.

Janus muted themself before saying or yelling something.

“Janus, what’s going on?” Virgil said.

Whatever the response Janus got, they didn’t seem to like it and hung up without another word, leaving just Roman and Patton’s empty pastel bedroom on the call.

“What the fuck was that?” Virgil cried. 

“I don’t know,” Roman said, “should we worry?”

“Yeah? Maybe? No, nevermind I don’t know.” Virgil said. He ran his hands over his face, “okay, um what time is it?”

“Four.” Logan said.

“Okay, I’ll text Jay and send Patton the recording, Roman can you write something to them both? Just like an ‘are you okay’ type thing.”

“Yeah sure. Are we ending it here?”

Virgil shrugged, “Unless you want to stick around a bit longer, but I think we should talk again tomorrow. It’ll be Friday so if we get a hold of bluejay maybe we can meet up after school?”

Roman nodded, “Yeah I’m free then. Bye guys! Talk to you tomorrow.”

Roman hung up and a few seconds later Logan felt the familiar tickle of writing appearing on his arm. Virgil was on his phone, texting either Janus or Patton, a frown set on his face. 

“Well that was dramatic.” Virgil said eventually, as he put his laptop back in his bag.

“Yeah.” Logan smiled slightly, although it was strained. “it could have gone better.”

“Eh, yeah it could have.” Virgil said as he picked up his bag, the half finished container of fries they had forgotten sat behind it, most of them were gone or covered in ants. Virgil scrunched up his nose, “Ew. Gross.”

“Here I got it.” Logan picked it up and dumped it in the nearby trash can, bugs didn’t bother him. Logan grabbed his bag and they began to walk back to their neighborhood. 

“Did you call Patton and Janus bluejay back there?” Logan asked as they walked away from the tree they had been sitting under.

Virgil laughed, “Oh yeah, they make a formidable team together, Roman came up with it a few years ago. He’s got all these nicknames for us and any sort of combos of us.”

They continued light conversation as they walked back to their homes, as they tried to ignore the events of the previous call.

For the first time in years Logan did his homework before morning, he started it after dinner, and Logan was thankful for the distraction. A distraction was exactly what he needed right now, he didn’t want to think about- No he didn’t want to think about it. Focus. Logan glanced at the clock. 5:30, plenty of time. Calculus homework isn’t going to solve itself. Logan went through his classes in order. Calculus first block, ten questions, easy enough. Done 7:00. Next English, read two chapters. Actually read them today. For once Logan wished the chapters were longer, 7:49. Music theory, good something substantial. A whole packet of work this time. 8:30. Nothing for science. Unfortunate.

When he finished he put on his long sleeved pajamas and curled up in xir bed. It was far too early, but without any of the distractions anymore all Logan could feel was a sinking pit in xir stomach made xir feel nauseous. There had been no other writing on xir arm since Roman, but that was fine, it was fine.

Logan lay down and turned on some music to take xir mind off of- a wave of guilt crashed into him. Logan clamped xir hands firmly around xir ears. It didn’t stop the thoughts, of course it didn’t, they were in his head and logically Logan knew this, but he couldn’t make himself take his hands away.

They hate you. Patton hates you. You made him cry. Virgil doesn’t like you anymore. Roman feels guilty for nor reason and it's your fault. Something bad happened to Janus and you sat by and did nothing. What sort of pathetic excuse for a soulmate are you? All you did to this relationship was tear it apart. It was better without you. They were happier before they knew about the bond. If you hadn’t been an idiot and forgot your gloves none of this would have happened! You can’t even lie properly. 

Logan’s fingers began to be pried away from xir ears. 

“Shh, shh sweetheart it’s okay. I’m here, and you’re okay.”

Logan suddenly realized xe was screaming, where was he? His bed. Who was that? His mom. What was going on?

“It’s okay, it’s all okay. You’re safe Logan, you’re safe and you’re home.”

Logan’s voice caught and he gasped for air, before dissolving in a puddle of tears.

“Oh Berry.” Xir mom wrapped her arms around Logan and just held him. “It’s okay, it’s all gonna be okay.”

Logan just sobbed, and eventually he began to fall asleep, tears still falling down his cheeks. Logan vaguely remembered the feeling of xir mom wiping a tear from xir cheek before a blanket was pulled up around him. The light turned off and she left the room, without any answers.

The next morning was bad.

Logan woke up groggily with a horrible feeling in xir chest and a pounding headache. He stumbled out of his bedroom, still in his pajamas, and made his way to the kitchen to find something to dull the pain of the headache. Logan had unfortunately forgotten to grab his glasses, so when he got the medicine out he tried to squint to figure out which were which, but all the bottles looked the same.

“Oh you’re up.” Logan glanced in the direction of the voice, his mom was standing in the archway to the kitchen, holding a mug of presumably coffee.

“Hi.”

She noticed what he was doing and walked over and grabbed a bottle and handed it to him, “Headache?”

Xe nodded, “mhm.”

“Sorry, I probably should have gotten you to drink something. It’s probably dehydration.” She squeezed xir shoulder slightly before grabbing a glass and filling it up with water and handing it to Logan. “Are you hungry?”

Logan took the medicine and shook his head, “No, but if you could track down my glasses, I’d appreciate that.”

She nodded, before heading off in the direction of Logan’s room.

Logan leant against the counter and buried his head in his hands. His head was killing him. 

It felt like his mom had just left, but suddenly xir glasses were on the counter in front of him. “Here kiddo. Let’s talk.”

Logan groggily pulled xir head out of his hands and slipped on his glasses, before following xir mom to the couch. 

“What was yesterday about?” She asked after Logan got settled.

Logan shrugged, “I was upset.”

“Berry, I’ve seen you upset plenty of times, but that wasn’t just upset. I don’t think I’ve seen you that worked up since seventh grade.”

Logan shook his head, “I don’t- Mama I don’t want to talk about it.” He said, he could tell his voice was on the edge of breaking, and if it did there would be no way for him to stop crying.

Her eyes softened, “Okay, you don’t have to. But can you answer one thing honestly?”

Logan nodded.

“Is anyone getting hurt?”

Logan shook his head, “No.”

She nodded, “Okay, that’s good enough for now. Now I don’t have work today, so if you aren’t feeling up to school, I can call in.” She felt his face with the back of her hand, “You might not have a fever, but you look like death anyway,” she chuckled, “they might not even let you on campus looking like this. Now this wouldn’t be a regular thing, and you’d have to email all your teachers, hand in the homework online and all that, but you could stay home with me.”

Logan’s stomach flipped, and xe knew this might not help with xir guilt in the long run, but just they felt so horrible now. “Please?” Xe whispered.

She kissed xir forehead and stood up. “I’ll get on that then. I know you’re not hungry, but you should eat something before you crash. Even if it’s just a cracker.”

“Who says I’m gonna crash?” Logan said despite the fact that he felt like he was going to fall asleep at any moment. “I think today is going to be really productive.”

She shot him a disbelieving look, “Oh please. You haven’t got a decent night's sleep in weeks,  _ and _ you’ve got a headache? You’re crashing.”

Logan grumbled slightly before pulling himself off the couch and grabbing a tangerine and his glass of water before walking back to his room. Logan ate it while xe emailed all xir teachers, and turned in all the necessary homework, xe had to admit not having to worry about doing it in the morning was a good feeling. As soon as xe finished xe collapsed back in bed. Logan hated to admit it, but his mom was right, he was exhausted. It didn’t take long before he was fast asleep.

When Logan next woke up it was different outside, it was definitely not morning anymore. Logan sat up and stretched, xe felt so much better than that morning, their headache was almost completely gone, and he didn’t feel dead on his feet. Logan glanced at the clock, 5:38, Logan did a double take. 5:38? Logan groaned, xe literally slept the entire day away.

Logan stood up and wandered back into the living room, xir mom was at the kitchen counter mixing something and the smell of chocolate was extremely present. “What are you doing?” Logan asked a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Oh hey!” She said as she jumped and fumbled with the spatula she was holding. “I’m making muffins!” 

Logan snorted, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you bake in my life. Why now?”

She shrugged, “I like muffins! So how’d you sleep? You don’t look nearly as bad anymore.”

“I’m feeling a lot better, although I wish it didn’t come at the cost of an entire day.” Logan said, and xir stomach growled loudly.

Logan’s mom chuckled, “Well I’m glad your appetite is back, I was worried you might actually be getting sick. Do you want me to make you something or do you just want to go nuts with bread and the fridge?”

“I think those muffins need your full attention.” Logan said as xe grabbed the bread. “I’ll just make a sandwich.”

She nodded, and turned her attention back to the recipe. “Would you mind if I put random mix on now you’re awake?”

He shook his head, “Go for it.”

She smiled and pressed a few buttons on their digital radio. Logan wasn’t good with identifying titles or names to songs, and most of the time xe didn’t even listen to the lyrics, but the first line caught it off guard. 

_ ‘They call me the apologist.’ _

Logan snorted and glanced at the radio, “Who is this?”

“The apologist by R.E.M, I can change it if-”

“It’s fine. It just surprised me.”

Xir mom hummed slightly. “Oh Virgil stopped by a few hours ago.” She said after Logan got himself settled down within food.

“Really?” Logan asked as he straightened up in his chair, “Why? What did he say?”

She looked at him in amusement, “He just wanted to talk to you, he seemed pretty worried that you hadn’t showed up and weren’t answering any texts, but you were still knocked out at that point and he told me not to wake you up.”

Logan nodded as xe took a bite of xir sandwich, “Mm.”

“You might want to call him or something, he seemed upset.”

“Yes I was going to.”

After Logan ate he headed back to his room, Logan slid into his desk and grabbed his phone that he had left there the previous night. Xir notifications were flooded with several unread texts from Virgil. 

_ 'Where ru?' _

_ 'Your going 2 miss the bus.' _

_ 'Are u coming?' _

_ 'Text me back im worried.' _

_ 'Are you sick?' _

_ 'You were fine yesterday right?’ _

_ ‘You better not be dead.’ _

_ ‘I’m gonna b so mad at you if you’re dead.’ _

_ ‘The rest of us are going to meet up after school if you still havent responded by then im gonna swing by your place. I think everyone really wants to talk to you so if you're not up to meeting up maybe you can be there on a call?' _

_ ‘I’m omw to your place.’ _

_ ‘just stopped by, you were asleep. I hope you feel better soon.’ _

Logan pursed his lips together before checking his email. A few unread emails from his teachers giving him the assignments but nothing special. Logan went back into the text stream with Virgil. Xe took a deep breath before pressing the ‘call’ button.

The phone rang for a few seconds before it picked up, “Logan?”

“Hey V. I’m awake?”

“Yeah I can hear that. This thing really knocked you out huh?” Virgil sounded very gentle. “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better than this morning that's for sure.”

“Mhm. So how sick are you? Do you think you’ll be back on Monday?”

Logan frowned, “I’m not sick?”

“Wait what?”

“Did my mom tell you I was sick? I’m not sick.”

“Oh so I- shoot. Did you skip then?”

“No, I just,” Logan paused. “I just had a bad night, I woke up with a headache, and my mom offered to let me stay home.”

“Oh. Are you okay now?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m sorry I missed the meeting.” Logan said as his stomach squeezed. 

“Nah it’s good. It...might have been a good thing you weren’t there. You might have- um, but anyway we’re doing it again tomorrow if you can make it?”

“Yeah yeah I can. What time?”

“Eleven, we were planning to grab lunch, I can pick you up.”

Logan nodded before realizing Virgil couldn’t see him, “Yeah that sounds good. Um Vee?”

“Yeah what’s up?” 

Logan fiddled with a pencil that was on xir desk, “when you said it was better that I hadn’t come-”

“Don’t worry about that, it’s fine. See you tomorrow.” Virgil hung up.

Logan slowly brought the phone down and started at the blank phone screen. Xir heart felt numb. 

Logan grabbed his bag and began to pull out what xe needed to do xir homework, might as well stay busy. An hour or so later there was a knock on his door. 

“Logan?”

“Come in.”

Logan’s mom pushed the door open slowly and leant against the doorframe, “Hey. Two things, one, did you talk with Virgil?”

Logan nodded, “Yes I am meeting up with him tomorrow. We’re going to have lunch.”

“That’s nice, where are you going?” 

Logan shrugged, “To a surprise?”

She laughed slightly, “Any guesses?”

“I think it’s out of town.” Logan said, “but probably no more than half an hour to an hour away.” Xe tilted xir head, “you had a second query?”

She nodded and reached just out of sight before bringing a plate with two chocolate muffins on it into the room, “I was hoping you could help me taste them?”

“It is 8:30 pm.”

“Yes.”

“And I will be wanting to sleep within the next couple hours.”

“You just woke up, but I suppose.”

“And you want me to eat sugar?”

“Yes!”

“Great, I'm glad we’re on the same page about your parenting.” Logan said as xe reached for a muffin. 

“Oh you love my parenting.”

“That I do-” Logan said, his mouth half full of muffin. “Mm- this is good.”

“Really?” she took a bite. “Oh good, it’s not salty!”

Logan coughed and stared at her, “Salty? Why would it be salty?”

“I was trying to make crackers obviously.” She shook her head. “No, I just thought I might have accidentally switched the salt and sugar.”

“And you asked me to taste it for you?” Logan asked incredulously.

“Well yes but that’s not why.”

“Why then?”

She took a deep breath and surveyed Logan’s face, “Have I ever told you about your great-grandma?”

Logan shook his head, his mom almost never talked about their family with the exceptions of a few people, and Logan had always been told when xe was younger that they didn’t get along.

“Your great-grandmother, my ami, was a lovely woman. She accepted me for who I was and was the only reason I didn’t abandon the family sooner. When she was still alive she had a tradition, whenever one of her family members were upset she would bake some muffins, and we would talk it through it over a muffin and a cup of tea.”

Logan looked down at the muffin and tore off another piece. “Huh.”

“Eventually we would start to come to her of our own volition when we wanted to talk things through, and we would help her make the muffins, but the base never changed, we would always eat an excess of muffins and feel extremely better after. It was maybe not the best way to solve our problems, but it was better than bottling it up.”

“So you  _ have _ made muffins before.”

“Not alone. This would be a first for that.”

She stepped out of the room for a minute and came back in with a plate of muffins. “Okay. Do you want another muffin?”

Logan turned the one he had over in his hands, “This feels like a bribe.”

“It is, but it’s also a tradition.” She tilted her head to the side, “Now, do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

Logan nodded, “A bit, but I also want to bottle up my feelings so you can see how we’re at a stalemate here.”

“Does the muffin bribe sway anything?”

Logan tore a piece off the first muffin and stuffed it in his mouth, “M’be.”

She bit into her muffin, there was a familiar knowing twinkle in her eyes, “Okay. We’ve got time for you to figure it out.”

It took two and a half muffins and a cup of tea before Logan broke. 

“I met my soulmates.”

“Oh? You don’t seem too excited about it.”

I kinda messed up. Like badly.”

“In what way? It can’t be that bad.”

“Well I’ve been lying to my best friend for years and then the first time I ever spoke to my soulmates I made one of them cry?”

“Well that’s not great.” She said with a smile. “Why don’t you start from the beginning, I assume that’s the lying to Virgil bit?”

“Yeah.” Logan said as he ate a bit more of the muffin, “Yeah I guess that would be the start.”

It took an hour for Logan to finish the story, xe went into much more detail than when he had told his soulmates and Virgil and talked about how xe felt throughout the whole thing and the past several years. “and then Virgil said it was a good thing I didn’t show up today. So yeah that’s what’s bothering me.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

She stretched, “alright are you ready for some motherly wisdom?”

“Lay it on me.”

“You messed up. You betrayed Virgil’s trust by lying to him for years, and your soulmates probably feel pretty betrayed too, especially since you said you would have gone back on your promise.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But you already knew that.”

Logan took a sip of his tea, “Yeah I got the whole they hate me thing.”

“They don’t hate you. Hate is a very strong word. They’re upset, yes, but they don’t hate you.”

Logan looked down at the ground and fiddled with the handle of his mug.

“I think you’re doing a good thing by going to talk to them tomorrow. Make sure you spend time listening to them and how they’re feeling. It’s not going to make things perfect, but it might help.”

Logan nodded, “Yeah.”

“Maybe we should practice.”

“Practice?”

She adjusted how she was sitting and nodded, “Yep! I don’t want you to go in without knowing what you want to say after all. Pretend I’m Virgil.”

“Why Virgil? I thought you would have picked Patton. They’re the one who I upset the most.”

She shook her head, “I don’t think that’s true. Patton had the most explosive reaction, yes. But from how you described it, I think Patton would be one of the most forgiving. But we can do Patton, I was planning on having you do all of them.”

“Oh. We can start with Virgil then.”

“Great. So let’s pretend Virgil just arrived to pick you up.”

“Okay,” Logan said, “Hey Virgil, um how are you?”

“Fine. Are you ready to go?”

“Um yeah.”

For the next two hours they practiced. Practiced what to say, but more they practiced what not to say.

Eventually she pat Logan’s leg and yawned, “well it is 1:30, so I’m going to sleep, you should try too. I’ve made enough questionable parenting choices today not to recommend that.”

“You’ve made some excellent parenting choices today,” Logan said. “But yes please leave, I'm tired and over sugared.”

She smiled tiredly and ruffled his hair before grabbing the plates and cups. “Remember to brush your teeth, love ya.”

Logan nodded and stood up from xir desk. Xir back cracked and xe groaned, “mm- yeah okay, been sitting like that for too long.”

Xir mom laughed and began to walk out, “have a good night Logan.”

Logan slept walked through the rest of the pre-bedtime routine. He found himself much more tired than he thought he would be seeing as xe woke up in the evening. Logan eventually fell into a fitful sleep.

There was a knock at Logan’s door, “Uh come in?” Logan said as xe sat up in bed and looked groggily at the door.

“Hey Lo.” Virgil said as he pulled Logan’s bedroom door open and walked inside. 

“Hey,” Logan said as xe finished tugging on xir shoes, “Thanks for picking me up.” 

“Yeah of course. Are you ready to go?”

Xe nodded, “Yeah.”

“Come on then.” Virgil said as he held the door open so Logan could see his car parked.

Logan walked outside and got in and then when xe got out of the car, they were at Dot and Larry’s.

Logan walked inside and there they were, Logan took a deep breath before heading over to the table. As he approached Patton’s face visibly fell.

“Why hello.” Janus said. “How nice of you to join us, are you well?” There was a bite to their words that Logan couldn’t quite recognize.

“Yes, I am fine. My apologies for missing the meeting yesterday.”

“You were sick yes? Unpredictable, nothing you could do to stop that.”

Logan adjusted his position in his chair, the bright overhead light of the interrogation room blared down on him. “Being sick is not always a predictable thing.”

“No of course not.” Janus said. Logan couldn’t see them through the fog in the room, but xe could hear the clicking of keys on a typewriter. “You know Virgil never actually told us why you missed the meeting. You seem fine today. What had you so beat yesterday?”

“I was asleep, for most of the day. I wasn’t feeling good.”

There was a sound and suddenly a figure was moving out of the fog, Logan felt his whole body tense.

“ **L** o _ g _ **_a_ ** n?” 

Xe couldn’t pin the voice, it was familiar but confused and muddled.

“ **W** _h_ **e** re **a** _re_ **y** o **u** g ** _oi_** _ng_?”

A hand was reaching for his face, Logan leant back pushing away, away, away! Xe was falling and the hand was reaching to grab him, to keep him there, to get the answers and-

Logan jerked awake, gasping and panting for air. The vividness of the dream clung to his brain like the cold sweat wrapped around his skin. Xe shivered, pulling xir blankets tighter around xir, trying to ward off the memory of the nightmare. It was just a nightmare. Nothing more, no hidden meaning, no foreshadowing for the future, just look at it as it is. A nightmare, a stress dream.

Logan took a couple of deep shaky breaths before getting out of bed, as much as he hated to admit it, he wasn’t going back to sleep. Logan walked over to xir desk and checked the time. Yep, it was definitely early. 

Logan flicked on xir light and sat down heavily on their chair, and pulled up YouTube. Xe had too much time to kill. 

_ “Hello my royal friends! I hope you’re all having a great day. Welcome back-’  _

Logan let it run in the background as xe began to sketch something, xe wasn’t sure what yet, but xe was sure he'd figure it out eventually, he had hours anyway.

A long while later there was a knock at Logan’s door. Logan flinched, but xe shook it off, it had just been a dream. “Who is it?”

“What do you mean who is it?” Logan’s mom called through the door. “Who else lives here?”

“Sorry yeah that was a weird question.”

“Mhm. I was just wondering if you wanted any eggs? I’m making breakfast.”

“Oh, yeah I’d like that. Thank you.”

Logan heard her footsteps walk away from the door and he relaxed slightly, he hadn’t realized he’d been so tense. Xe shook xir head. “You are being irrational.” Logan said as xe reprimanded xirself.

Xe took a quick shower and got dressed before heading down to the kitchen, it was later now, eight o’clock. Logan had hoped the nightmare would have faded by now, but that never was the case with these things was it. It was fine though, xe just had to pull it together before Virgil arrived, or at least be able to pay enough attention to not mess it up with xir soulmates again.

Xe got dressed in jeans and a tank top. The tank top read “There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.” And threw a green flannel over top. He paused when xe caught sight of xir school gloves that were under xir bed. 

Logan pulled them out from under there and considered the thin black fabric momentarily before slipping it on, immediately as he did this a wave of strange relief crashed into him. Logan hummed contentedly as xe left the room, pushing away a fleeting sense of unease.

The rest of the morning was uneventfulful, he ate with his mom, did some homework and just generally waited around for Virgil. At exactly eleven there was a knock on the front door.

“Bye mom!” Logan called.

“Oh bye! Good luck!”

Virgil was leaning against the fence around the small porch. He was wearing a leather jacket and combat boots, a much different toned outfit to his hoodie and sneakers in school look. He nodded as Logan came out, “Hey. Are you ready to go?”

“I wouldn’t be out here if I wasn’t.”

“Fair, fair.”

They got in the car and Virgil flicked on some music before turning out of the driveway. Logan started out the window, they were going in the opposite direction of Dot and Larry’s.

“So where are we going?” Logan eventually asked.

“It’s a surprise.”

“So you forgot what it’s called?”

“Yeah, but I know where we’re going!”

“I still think you should use gps. Your internal navigator is just not as good as the internet’s.”

Virgil laughed slightly, “Whatever, we’re going to get there just fine! I’ve been there before.”

“Sure we will.” Logan said before mumbling under xir breath, “we’re gonna get lost at least once.”

When they arrived in the small city, it took them thirty minutes of wandering in the car to find the restaurant, they got lost quite a few more times than once. Virgil pulled over nodded towards it, “This is where we normally go, I think everyone’s already inside. I’m gonna go park down the street, just go in and if they ask say you’re looking for Roman.”

Logan nodded, “yeah yeah okay.” He took a breath before getting out of the car, “Easy peasy.”

Logan walked into the restaurant. It was a small double story restaurant with seating out front and it looked like there was something on the roof too. Logan walked in and the person at the front counter smiled as Logan entered. They had smile lines and their forehead was slightly creased with age. 

“Hello! Are you here for a table?”

“Um, actually I’m looking for Roman?”

“You must be Logan. I’ve heard a lot about you,” they extended their hand. “I’m Nate, Roman’s uncle, nice to meet you.”

“Oh it’s nice to meet you!” Logan said as xe shook Nate’s hand.

Nate pointed up the staircase, “They're upstairs, it’s pretty open up there so you’ll be able to see them as soon as you get up there.”

Logan nodded, “Thank you!” Logan walked up the stairs as slowly as xe could, xir stomach was full of butterflies and xir legs felt weak. He came up the stairs and glanced around, there was only one table with people on, Logan could see what xe thought was the back of Patton and Roman’s heads and Janus was facing him. It was much different seeing them in person, Logan’s legs felt like they were cemented to the floor and xe couldn’t move anymore. They were real. 

Janus’s lips pursed slightly as they saw Logan. Janus said something quietly to the others and Logan could have swore Patton tensed.

Roman turned around and smiled, “Logan hey!” 

Logan walked over and took a seat on the chair on the end of the table, xe didn’t really want to sit next to Janus, “Hey. Virgil’s just parking the car, he’ll be in soon.”

“Neat! I’m glad you could make it today.”

“So am I, I’m sorry I didn’t make it yesterday.”

“Don’t worry, it’s cool,” Roman said.

“You’re feeling alright today though?” Patton asked.

“Yes I am well, thank you. How are you guys?”

“I’m good!” Roman said, and Janus flicked their eyes slightly in Roman’s direction before turning their head down to look at their nails, now they were in person, Logan noticed the scars that were on his face extended to his hands and arms too. 

“Did you meet Nate?” Roman asked.

“Yes, he’s your uncle?”

Roman nodded, “yep! He’s been talking about how he wants to meet my mysterious soulmate ever since I knew you existed!”

“You mean like two days ago?” Janus said.

Roman waved them off, “yeah yeah whatever. I don’t know if Virgil ever told you, but Nate’s one of the people who helped us get together,” Roman frowned, “I mean like get together in person not get together in a relationship- not that he completely didn’t help at all with-” Roman stopped rambling and stood up, he was clearly flustered. “I’m gonna check on the food.”

Roman left, leaving Logan with Janus and Patton, this was the opposite of what xe had wanted to happen.

“You must have a miraculous immune system,” Janus said after a minute of silence.

“Pardon?”

“Well you don’t even seem remotely ill today, I mean beside the whole getting sick in the first place, your immune system must be quite good.”

“Oh.” Logan said, “well it is, but maybe not that good. I wasn’t sick.”

Janus narrowed their eyes slightly, “Virgil told us you weren’t at school.”

“And I wasn’t, but I also wasn’t sick.” Logan began to xir index finger against xir thumb, “I just stayed home.”

Patton was looking at Logan curiously, “What happened?”

Logan stiffened, “I would prefer not to talk about it.”

“Hey guys! Look who I found!”

All three of them glanced over at the staircase where Roman’s voice came from, Roman was walking towards them and was followed by Virgil. 

“Shut up Princey, if anything I found you.”

Virgil came and sat down next to Janus, “Hey Jay.”

Janus nodded slightly and Logan noticed them begin to rub their wrist against the side of their other arm, “Hey, long time no see.”

“Oh also!” Roman said, “Aside from dragging in a raccoon-” Virgil stuck his tongue out at him as Roman sat down. “I checked on the food, it’ll be out soon.” Roman looked at Logan, “I hope you don’t mind but I asked Virgil yesterday what type of food you like and ordered you something.”

Logan shrugged, “I trust your judgement.”

Roman grinned brightly, “I think you’re really gonna love it!” He said as the conversation began to gently shift.

About ten minutes later there was a call from someone downstairs, “Roman your food’s ready- come get it!”

Roman stood up and Logan did too, Roman smiled, “What is your name Roman now?”

Logan rolled his eyes, but xe was smiling, “No I just thought you could use some help.”

“Thanks Specs,” Roman said as they descended the staircase, and Logan felt a warm feeling spread through xir which left him giddy and smiling.

They arrived at the counter and there were two trays, one with some drinks and the other with the actual food. 

Roman gestured at the drinks, “these are ours too, good thing you came with!” Then he spotted something on the food tray, Roman popped what looked like a bright orange potato chip in his mouth, “mm these are so good. You want to try?”

“Isn’t that someone’s food?” Logan asked.

“Yeah it’s mine! They’re squash chips! It’ll give you all the calories you need to successfully make it the other half of the adventure so we can return to our party!”

Logan hummed as xe took the chip Roman was offering, “Do you, by any chance, play DND?” 

“No- what makes you think that I do?”

Logan put the chip in his mouth and ate it as Roman was asking his question. The chip was sweet, salty, and crunchy, and also a lot better than regular potato chips. 

“Wow that is good,” Logan said, “It was just how you were talking. Have you ever considered playing?”

“No… we should do it as a group!”

Logan did his best not to look too shocked by that suggestion, “Ah perhaps, that would probably be fun, but maybe first I get everyone to actually like me.”

Roman’s expression softened slightly, “We all like you Logan. It’s just a change, and a big shock like that sometimes that’s hard to get used to.”

“Of course I understand. I wasn’t expecting this to be easy, in any sort of relationship it takes time for trust to build.”

Roman nodded and picked up his tray, “well if it means anything, I’m definitely on my way.”

Logan smiled as the warm fuzzy feeling in his chest was reignited. Xe picked up the tray and led the way back upstairs towards the sound of voices.

Logan was still smiling when xe returned to the group with the food, and xe was relieved to see that most of the tensions seemed to have dissolved, they were all smiling, Patton was laughing. Their laugh was loud and hiccuping, and as 

Logan took a seat again xe could see that their eyes were watering. Logan knew this wasn’t at all like a few days ago, Patton was laughing, these were clearly happy tears, but Logan couldn’t help but be reminded of the distraught look on Patton’s face and the broken sob before-

There was a banging sound as Roman set down the tray heavily on the table, and Logan flinched

“My friends! We have trekked all the way down the stairs to bring you sustinunce!”

“All the way down the stairs?” Janus gasped exaggeratedly, “Why what a journey, how ever did you survive?”

“Well it was hard.” Roman said as he began to hand out the food, “I almost ate your food Jan, but then I remembered how grateful you would be, so we fought through the foes without eating a bite!” Roman winked at Logan. 

Logan raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.

One thing Logan was sure about Roman after this meal was he had an incredible taste in food. Logan had thoroughly enjoyed what Roman had picked out for xir, and Logan even joked that xe should just let Roman pick his meals all the time, which seemed to do a good job at flustering Roman.

“Do you guys want to go on a walk?” Patton asked as they finished up their meal, “I know this great ice cream place, it's across town, maybe forty five minutes away?”

Virgil shrugged, “I’m down for a walk, but I could drive us if we’re just after ice cream.”

“Of course it’s not just about the ice cream!” Roman said with a flourish. “It’s about-”

“The adventure?” Janus finished. 

“Yes exactly!” Roman said, as he took Janus’s hand and began to lead them down the stairs, “It’s like you can read my mind!”

Logan watched them leave hand in hand. Logan frowned when xe noticed Janus’s hand that wasn’t in Roman’s was balled in a fist. Logan reminded himself of what Roman had told him earlier, and took a breath. It was going to be fine, it just took time.

“Logan?” Patton was standing at the top of the staircase, everyone else was gone, and Logan was still standing at the table. “Are you coming?” They asked lightly.

“Right of course.” Logan said as he jogged over, “Got to actually move to leave the building.”

Patton smiled and their eyes shone, “well let’s go then! We don’t want to get behind.”

Logan followed Patton down the stairs as he said, “you are the best person I could be behind with because you know where we’re going.”

“I suppose that’s true!” Patton said as they began to walk down the sidewalk, they weren’t far behind and could easily catch up to join the group, but Patton seemed to be keeping their distance on purpose, so Logan kept their pace. After a street of walking like that Patton broke the silence.

“After you told us on the call,” Patton said hesitantly, “I was overwhelmed, and sad, and… scared.”

Logan glanced over at Patton, they were looking down at the ground. 

“It occurred to me that if Roman hadn’t been in a car, we might have lost you again. And it scared me so much, because although Jan told me they were washing it off when I wrote the second time, I know had Roman not been in the car I would have convinced him to wash it off.”

“Patton-”

Patton glanced up and shook their head, “I’m fine, but I need you to hear this.”

Logan nodded, and Patton looked back at the ground.

“It made me so sad that you would choose to go back to ignoring us rather than just having a conversation. We would never make you be our friend you didn’t want to, but the fact that you weren’t even planning on explaining things, it hurt. A thought I had first was this is Virgil’s best friend, what is he telling xir that makes xir want nothing to do with us? Are we that bad?”

Logan’s breath caught in his throat. 

“And you know Logan that thought hurt, that we might be hurting Virgil and he didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell us? But you know what hurt too? The thought that you believed you could just disappear and we would forget about you.”

Patton stopped and looked at Logan who had walked a few paces more before xe realized Patton was not coming anymore. 

“You thought we’d just forget about you if you stopped writing again. Logan if we knew you existed, we would have written to you every single day. What made you think you could disappear without us missing you?”

“You were all so happy without me so-”

“We are happy, and happiness is not a limited resource, it’s meant to be shared and added to and evolved. So why do you think you’re any less deserving than anyone else, or more importantly why do you think you’ll take away from any of our happiness?”

Logan paused, he’d never really thought about it like that before. But it was true wasn’t it? He had put strain on the group, strain on their relationship.

“I don’t know, but is it really important?” Logan asked.

“Yes!” Patton said, their eyes were begging Logan to see the truth in their statement, “I want you to feel like you are a part of this, because you are! You’re not less important than any other member of this group.”

“You’ve only known me for a few days and I made you cry when we first met, so why are you being so nice to me? It doesn’t make any sense, you’re not supposed to like me! Everything- this doesn’t make any sense.”

“Logan, I care about you.”

“You should hate me.”

“I don’t and I could never.” Patton said firmly, and that left no room for argument. “Logan, look at me.” 

Logan looked up and met Patton’s eyes. Patton was looking at him in such a soft and concerned way it reminded Logan of his mom’s expression whenever he used to come home from school bruised. Slowly, with plenty of time to let Logan pull back Patton reached over and took one of his hands. They held it in both of theirs and squeezed gently as they stared into Logan’s eyes. 

“You are worth it. I don’t care if you’ve made me cry once, I’ve made me cry a lot more than that and I still love myself. So if you let me, I know I can love you too.”

There was a beat of silence and Patton slowly let go of Logan’s hand, and began to walk back down the street. After a second of shock, Logan jogged to catch up with them.

They caught up with the rest of the group a couple blocks away. They were sitting one the edge of a park.

“Oh hey blues clues!” Roman called, “did you have a fun little whatever you did?”

“Yep!” Patton said as they skipped up to the group, “Also is that a new nickname Roman?”

“It is indeed! I came up with it while you were dawdling!”

Patton pouted, “Hey! We weren't dawdling. But I do love the nickname! I loved that show as a kid. What do you think, Logan?”

“I have never actually seen the show, but I’m sure it’s nice.”

“It’s a show that’s like if Dora the explorer was just in English and also mixed with a little more Sherlock Holmes but for toddlers.” Virgil said.

“Oh!” Logan said, “Well that sounds like a decently accurate description of us as far as I know.”

“Why thank you! I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Roman said.

“That’s good because I meant it as one.” Logan said.

Patton hummed as they looked around, “I think if we cut through the park we’ll get there quicker.” They said as they pointed though the park.

“Wonderful,” Janus said as they linked one of their arms in Patton’s, “would you show me the way? You seem like an excellent tour guide.”

“Of course!” Patton said, and they began to lead Janus away from the group. 

“So…” Virgil said once Patton and Janus were out of earshot, “is everything cool with Pat?”

“Yes everything is very cool.” Logan said, “we talked and it went well.”

Roman bumped Virgil with his shoulder, “See? I told you there was nothing to worry about.” Roman nodded towards Logan, “And I told you too! I’m just right about everything today! Maybe I should enter the lottery.”

“Woah pump the breaks Princey.” Virgil said, “you gave good advice twice, that hardly warrants entering the lottery.”

Roman rolled his eyes, “you ruin all my fun.”

Virgil pat Roman’s arm, “Oh no I’m so sorry for looking out for your well-being.” He said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Roman smiled at Virgil, “I do appreciate it, thank you.”

Virgil looked slightly surprised and then pulled back and scratched the back of his neck, “yeah, um no prob bob.”

Logan burst into laughter and Roman jumped, “Jiminy Cricket! I forgot you were here. What’s so funny?”

“Logan,” Virgil said.

“The look on your face!” Logan said between gasps of laughter.

Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed Roman’s hand and began to drag him away from Logan who was still laughing, “Vee we can’t just leave him.” Roman said as he shook Virgil’s grip on his hand. “He has no clue where we’re going!”

Virgil stopped and turned around and looked at Logan who was beginning to regain his ability to breathe properly. Virgil said. “Logan hurry up or we’re gonna leave you here!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Logan called, as xe ran over towards them. “I didn't mean to hold us up.”

“It’s fine!” Roman said.

“Yeah whatever.” Virgil said, “come on let’s go.”

Logan frowned and looked at Virgil in confusion as he walked off. “Wait Virgil!” Logan ran up next to him and started walking at his pace. Roman was walking a couple of paces back, “What’s up? Did I do something?”

Virgil shook his head, “Sorry, no you're fine. It’s- nevermind, it’s nothing. We can talk about it later.”

Logan nodded slowly, “okay if you’re sure.” 

Virgil nodded before turning back to look at Roman, “What are you doing all the way back there? You’re the only one who has a clue where we’re going.”

“Well my apologies for trying to let you bond! And anyway I was trying to think of some clever nicknames with Logan.”

“Don’t strain yourself.” Logan said, “I think I’ll try and stick around this time, so you’ve got a while to brainstorm.”

Logan saw Virgil look at xir but he couldn’t discern his expression. Roman grinned his dazzling smile again. “Wonderful.”

They began to walk in the direction of where Patton and Janus disappeared off too, after a few minutes Roman grabbed Virgil’s arm as they began to walk past the shop, “Guys we’re here.”

“Oh.” Virgil said, “We’ll it’s a good thing you’re here, isn’t it!”

Roman rolled his eyes and opened the door to the shop, “you two are hopeless.”

Janus and Patton were sitting in the corner of the store, and Patton had their hand on Janus’s arm, which was crossed in front of their chest. As soon as the bell went off, signaling someone had opened the door, Patton drew back and glanced over at the door. 

“Hey guys!” Patton said, “Took you long enough to catch up!”

“My love you left us to the wolves!” Roman said, he picked Patton up and twirled him around. 

Patton giggled, “Aw no, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to!”

“It’s cool Pat.” Virgil said, “Roman here steered us in the right direction.”

Patton looked at Roman and grinned, “so not so left to the wolves after all huh?”

“Oh well I suppose if you put it that way, I guess I was the hero! Rescuing them from the clutches of becoming lost!”

Virgil snorted, and began to look over the menu.

Logan joined him, he felt a bit out of place, but Virgil began talking to him about the ice creams and he felt a bit more relaxed.

Once they all got their ice cream they went outside to eat them, it was a nice day.

“And then I said, but sir that is a potato!”

Logan smiled as Patton finished telling their story, they were a fascinating storyteller. Logan almost felt like xe was there. Logan glanced around the table, everyone was either laughing or smiling, and then xe locked eyes with Janus. 

Janus immediately looked away, but Logan didn’t. Xe scanned Janus and xir eyes landed on Janus’s hands which were fidgeting. Logan didn’t know Janus or how to read their body language, but if Janus had been Virgil, Logan would think that Virgil looked nervous. 

Patton stood up, “Do you guys want to go on another wander? There are some neat thrift stores downtown!”

“Yeah sure.” Virgil said, as he started to help Patton collect everyone’s trash. 

“Oh I love thrift stores!” Roman said enthusiastically as he jumped up from his seat, “I got these boots at a thrift store, oh- and this shirt, and this jacket.” Roman suddenly gasped, “Oh you guys have to feel inside of the sleeves in this jacket!” Roman folded his sleeve up and held it towards Patton and Virgil first. 

“Oh that feels so cool!” Patton said.

“Yeah it’s definitely interesting.”

Roman walked over and held it out to Janus and Logan who were still sitting, “Do you guys want to feel?”

Janus reached out and touched it, “Oh what a fun texture.” They said, and Logan noticed them immediately begin to rub their hand on their pants when they drew it back.

“I’ll pass.” Logan said, as he held up his gloved hands, “It’s not like I’d be able to feel it anyway.”

Roman nodded, “So yeah thrift stores always have the craziest things, once I saw a top hat which was half polka dot print, half strips split right down the middle, and it had a leather strap which has like three peacock feathers tucked into it.”

“Wow, and how did you resist buying it?” Virgil asked sarcastically.

“Who said I didn’t buy it?” Roman said as he began to walk down the sidewalk with Virgil and Patton.

Logan glanced at Janus who hadn’t stood up yet, and decided to stay sitting instead of following after the group. They needed to talk. Janus wasn’t really looking at xir, but Logan knew they knew he was there. 

“You should have left with them.” Janus said, as they looked up and locked eyes with Logan. 

“No I really shouldn’t have.”

Janus held eye contact for quite a lot longer than Logan was comfortably with before they shrugged and flicked their eyes back down to their hands. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Janus I want to apologize-”

“Why?” Janus asked, “What do you  _ think _ you have to apologize for?”

“I- uh.” Logan knew xe shouldn’t be stumbling under the pressure, xe had practiced what xe was going to say! But it was different now Janus was right here. “I lied to you, and I-”

“I don’t care about that.”

“What?”

“I don’t care that you only wrote to us recently. I don’t care that you took years to write, I wouldn’t have cared if you had taken decades to write.”

“Oh... wait what?”

Janus toyed with a loose piece of hair, “No, I’m not upset because of that, or even because of anything you did to me. We’ve barely even talked.”

Logan frowned, “Then I’m sorry, but I don’t know why you are mad at me.”

Janus shook their head, “I’m not mad at you, I’m upset. And I want to tell you why, but before I start I want to make sure you know that what I’m about to tell you isn’t because I trust you, it’s because I want to move on from what you accidentally did.” 

“Okay I got it.”

Janus took a deep breath, “So, something you did unintentionally put me on edge.” Janus began tracing the lines on their hands, “For a few years after I got my soulmark I was in a bad situation, and they would do things when they saw the writing, I thought you might be in a similar situation, and I freaked out a bit. It wasn’t your fault, but it made me remember some things that I would have rather remained forgotten.”

“So that’s why you’ve been on edge?”

“Exactly.”

“May I ask you a question?”

“What do I have to lose?” Janus said.

“Is that the reason why you don’t like people or things touching your hands?”

Janus’s head shot up, “What?”

Logan held his hands up, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“No it”s okay,” Janus said slowly. “I just wasn’t expecting that you would have noticed.”

“Well I don’t always like people touching my hands, and there are many textures I hate touching.” Logan waved his gloved hands around, “Hence the gloves.”

Janus nodded, “I- thought the gloves were for the writing?”

“That was part of it, but many times I wore gloves even when there was no writing.”

“Ah.”

“So I take it, none of them noticed?”

Janus shook their head. “I didn’t exactly want them to.”

Logan pulled at the edge of his gloves, “Hm, would you like to try my gloves?”

“Pardon?”

“They help me with hand related issues, so maybe they’ll help you.”

Janus frowned, “But they’re your gloves.”

“And I’m offering them to you, if you would have them of course.”

“I guess there’s no harm in trying.” Janus said, they sounded hesitant.

Logan pulled off xir gloves, “You don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to.”

Janus took them and pulled them on slowly, “No- I do.”

Logan nodded, “Of course. Would you like to rejoin the group or should we do something else?”

Janus ran their now gloved hands along the edge of the table, and smiled. Logan would have sworn his heart stopped for a moment. Logan wasn’t sure if they had smiled in front of xir before, but definitely nothing like this. It was subtle and heart stopping.

“We should go catch up,” Janus said, the gentle smile still on their face. “I know this place like the back of my hand, it shouldn’t be a problem to find our way around it.”

“Oh good!”

Half an hour later they were sitting in the shoe store on the phone with the other three, absolutely totally lost.

“And what’s the place you’re at called?” Patton asked.

“The Shoe’s Horns.” Logan said again.

“It has simply the best tag line.” Janus said, “don’t sell your sole, buy one!”

Logan heard Patton laugh, and it made a warm feeling bubble in his chest.

“Oh wait- I know exactly where you are!” Roman said, “are you across the street from a museum?”

“Yes.”

“Great! Marvelous! Fantastic! I know exactly where you are and guess what!”

“What?” 

“You are on the complete opposite side of town!”

There was a collective groan. 

“But not to fret, our dear Virgil here has a car so we will be with you momentarily!”

“Why do I have to drive?” Virgil asked.

“Would you rather one of us drive your car?”

“Nevermind, I've got the keys, let’s go get Jay and L!”

“That’s what I thought. See you soon my dears!” And with that Roman hung up.

Janus leant back against the rack they were sitting against and smiled, “This has been interesting.”

“Agreed, but is there something in particular you’re thinking of?”

“Yes.” Janus said, they didn’t elaborate.

Logan didn’t ask.

About five minutes later Janus sat up straighter and began to pull off the gloves.

“What are you doing?” Logan asked.

“They’re yours.”

Logan shook xir head, “not anymore. It was a gift, please keep them. Anyway I have other gloves when I need them at my home.”

Janus pulled the gloves back tight around their hands. “I appreciate that.” They said as they rubbed their hands slowly together.

“It’s not a problem,” Logan said. “They served me well, but I think it’s time for me to move on anyway, to start a new chapter per se.”

“Yeah. We both have to try that huh.” Janus said, as they stared up at the ceiling.

“I think we all do, but hopefully this time we’ll do it together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Check out the other creators soulmate september works on @tsshipmonth2020
> 
> My tumblr: @thesentientmango
> 
> -Mango <3


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